Alice In Midgar
by Wonderlander95
Summary: A story of two scientists in Final Fantasy VII.
1. Materia

And so the two materia "scientists" traveled through the trashed streets of Midgar. They had finally come across a portable materia fuser. Though it took a good portion of their gil (9998), it was the best thing they had ever bought. And the only thing for two weeks. Including food. It was a good thing Pepsi and chips could last so long...

"Next time we come here, IM bringing the Sparkle materia!" said Alexander.

"Well then I can use the Mirror one first!" said Alice.

Alexander angrily grumbled at his friend's bargain. She could always be a shop owner if she had to.

"So, where did you say that vibrating materia is again?" The tall brunette asked impatiently.

"So a right here...The left of this bar...HERE!" the blue-haired man suddenly stopped as Alice walked into a dark, muscular man.

"I'm sorry Chuck! Still haven't gone a day without hitting something!"

The tall man just chuckled and walked off.

"One day you're gonna fall down a hole and go insane," Alexander said as they walked into the average-looking house. The instant they opened the door and entered, Alexander's top hat started to shake. Alice's dress was flapping wildly, the skinny blue part and smaller white pieces moving wildly. They stepped as swiftly and gently as possible (in other words, Alice tripped on the rug and fell on the couch) to the back room. There, they found a man huddled in a corner, surrounded by Bombs.

"Oh no, GO AWAY!" Alice screamed as she used the Sparkle materia and a mist formed. When the Bombs turned around, their last sight was the mist turning into glowing stars.

"Lucky"

"Oh shut up Alexander. You know it was cool."

The scared man stood up and brushed himself off. After going through all his pockets, he finally pulled out a small, clear orb. The materia was like every other one, except for the small eighth note in the center.

"Thank you for saving me. I was practicing fusing Bomb DNA with a Black Hole materia...Not my best idea."

"Could have been worse! Don't you think so Alice?"

"Yeah-OOF!" (Why yes! It was another rug!)

"Anyway...We should be getting home now."

Alexander lifted his top hat and walked out with Alice

_~At The House~_

"So were having pizza tonight?"

"Yeah, I need some GREASE!"

"Senorita Wide Hips will have pepperoni then."

"...Meanie."

As the two scientists ate their dinner, they worked on the new materia. After discovering it could turn music into magic, they decided to call it Spell caster. When they copied it and fused it with Composer materia (Turns magic into music and is black with a white eighth note), it created a strange materia...

"Hmm..." The bluenette pondered, "I'm gonna go try it."

"NOoooo. IM gonna!"

The woman stated and thus started another one of their arguments. It ended with women being superior , men being nicer, Alexander was fat, Alice was a scrawny ho, La Roux is amazing, mangas are better than comics, and the iPod Touch was Alexander's. They (somehow) agreed to use the new materia together tomorrow.

_~The Next Day~_

"Sigh...Get up Short-stick."

"Murflehurpduh"

"Ill buy you a hooker if you get up."

"Id rather you not."

"Then I'LL do anything you want~"

"How many times have I re-informed you of your ho-ishness?"

"376"

"Make it 377."

"Ill get the cereal and coffee."

"Thanks"

"Get out of your PJ's."

"...Maybeee."

After getting their breakfast ready, listening to Clowns by t.A.T.u., and falling backwards, Alice went to check on Alexander. When she opened the door, a disoriented and half-asleep Alexander fell and face-planted her.

"I'm reeeeaaaally tired. Can I take a nap?"

"No. Now get up. Breakfast is ready."

"Food or boob nap..." Then came the noise of a food-deprived stomach. "Food I guess."

When they finished eating and went to the lab, they tried to use the new materia. Although trying doesn't mean using properly.

"Why cant I get this stupid thing to WORK!"

"Calm down. Maybe it just needs a man's touch"

Alice thus tossed the materia to the nonathletic scientist who nearly dropped it. ...

"HA! SUCK IT MR. MAN!"

"Fine then you can put it up."

Neither of the two noticed that while they were walking to each other that the materia started to glow all the colors or the rainbow. Bow saw, however, that when they both held the materia, wisps of color swirled around and surrounded them. They both thought how strange this was. Then Alexander thought of the dream he had last night. And so did Alice. Then Alice thought of the table she fell on while Alexander was still asleep. So did Alexander. When Alexander let go of the materia, the wisps disappeared. Alice's thoughts didn't. They agreed that the new materia should be called Telepathy. And that they should go to Olive Garden for lunch.

_~The End til Time allows again~_

**Blah blah blah copyright blah. If you think I'm stealing all this and profiting or whatever then go slap yourself a few times. Maybe you'll find out that I'm not. This is also my first time doing this on FanFiction so I'm not quite used to uploading and such yet.**


	2. Jabberwocks

_You gonna get that?_

_No. _

_Why? _

_Cause I'm lazy._

_That's not good enough._

_How about I'm staring so deeply into your eyes that I cant move?_

_We're three miles from each other._

_Then how am I close enough to it to pick it up?_

_...Cause you're the most amazing guy in the world!_

_I think it's because you're so lazy and scared of falling._

_SHUTUP!_

The two materia scientists were having another one of their conversations filled with contradictions, daydreams, and innuendo.

_Sooo, I'm thinking spaghetti tonight._

_I'm thinking of aspirin. Doing this for too long gives me a serious migraine._

_Maybe it's just a side eff-OOWW!_

_Blame it all on the materia clumsy._

_SHUTUP!_

_GAH!_

While Alexander was walking home (and poppin' aspirin), Alice was out buying groceries and supplies for fusing, copying, and experimenting on materia. On the way back to their apartment, Alexander bumped into Vincent Valentine.

"Hey Vincent!"

"Hey."

"I've been meaning to ask you for a Fire materia...Could ya spare one for some gil?"  
"Why not just go out and buy one?"

"They take so long to break in when you're experimenting, but you go into battle all the time so yours are all just fine!"

"Sigh...Why do you need one immediately?"

"Mmm...No reason you should know."

"You are going to kill somebody with this and it's gonna be bad, but I will give you this one."

"THANK YOU! Here's 250 gil!"

"Sure."

At the House

While Alice and Alexander were making dinner, Alexander got out the new materia and started using it to heat the food. The brunette stared in utter shock at how he got a Fire without using it thousands of times to get it going properly. He simply said Vincent and she figured. And tripped.

"Maybe somebody will create a Balance materia for you one day."

"Maybe I'll make you a SHUT THE HELL UP materia!"

"Try not to drop it dear~"

And so the poor bluenette with a top hat was kicked in the shin by the angered and clumsy woman. She called it Karma. He said it was PMS. Everyone else in the world simply said it was excruciatingly painful. Tripping and falling on every little thing gave the girl great legs. When they finally went to sleep, they dreamed a hybrid of each others' dreams. They awoke screaming from purses, manga, men, and women. Alexander got slapped.

On the Streets

"So I found this weird knife-sword thing on the way home yesterday."

"That's the big surprise?"

"Yeah."

"Aaaww I thought it would be earrings!"

"Why, so you could lose them?"

"I never lose jewelry."

"But gravity is an entirely different matter."

"I think there's something written on the knife's blade" Alice said hastily, trying to avoid the subject.

"V...P...L... Vorpal?"

"I guess so."

"YOU THERE!"

The pair spun around fast enough to see a man summon a strange looking dragon.

"GET THEM JABBERWOCK!"

The so-called Jabberwock came whiffling at them at an incredible speed with its mouth roaring with flames. They were in so much shock at being attacked by such a strange man with an even stranger monster that neither could utter a sound. Without mouths nor minds communicating, Alexander raised the strange blade and pointed it at the Jabberwock. When the hideous monster realized just what was about to happen, it was too late. The second the blade's tip grazed the fire, the horrid flames disappeared. When his wrist was in the burbling beast's neck, Alexander twisted it around, decapitating it.

"How DARE YOU! You wont live to see another frabjous day."

"Well callooh callay to you too D-Bag!"

"WHO ARE YOU, WHADDYA WANT, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT THING, AND, and... Are those Paul Jacreau boots?" the confused woman shouted without thinking.

"Cyrus Heart. You out of the way. You are in the way. Found it. And no, they're knock-offs but I think they're way better."

"You're right! I need a pair of those..."

"ANYWAYS! What are we in the way of?"

"My wife, Clara, and I are trying to get Avalanche out of the way so we can rule Midgar!"

"You mean Queenie?" The blonde-minded-brown-haired blurted.

"Yeah. She's gonna freak and yell my head off..."

As the silver-haired male finished, he pull out a purple materia and a strange mist surrounded him. When it cleared, he was nowhere to be seen. Alice recognized it as a Transport materia since she used one to take Alexander's old rusty watch somewhere far, far, FAR away from Midgar. While she reminisced, he gave her a serious Death Glare.

"Hey lemme see the Vorpal Blade!"

"Are you gonna teleport it somewhere?"

"Drop it."

"That's the thing though..."

"What?"

"I was holding it tightly. My knuckles are still red but it's gone!"

"Maybe your stank breath drove it off!"

"Maybe you fell on it!"

SMACK

"You. Are. Violent."

"Screw you!"

At the House

"Fire, Ice, Lightning, Gravity... Got it all!"

"What about Time?"

"But that one is my favorite!"

"Give it."

"I don't wanna..."

"Now."

"NO!"

"It's rude to yell at a lady you know."

"It's rude to take other peoples' stuff!"

"..."

"Its been a long day. I'm gonna go lay down and watch TV."

"I'll come with you."

When Alice got into the room, she shrieked as loud as possible and jumped behind Alexander.

"Cheshire! Come to daddy!"

"Meow."

"He pops up out of nowhere, scares me, and smiles about about it! And you're gonna just CUDDLE him?"

"Yeah pretty much!"

"Black cats are adorable though."

"They aren't the only ones," Alexander said, smiling and turning his head.

"You too." She replied, leaning in.

Before they could kiss, Yuffie threw the door open and ran in. When the small materia ninja ran into them, they all fell over. Before he hit the ground though, Cheshire jumped onto a nearby bookshelf and blended into the shadows.

"You two weren't about to get it on were you?"

"Actually we were experimenting on the-SHUTUP YOU MIDGET NINJA WHADDYA WANT?"

"I'm not that much shorter than you are Alexander."

"Answer the question!"

"Dudes are so grumpy...Anyways! Tifa is sick with something We've never seen before and we think you two might have a good materia!"

_~The End Til Time Allows Again~_


	3. Shadows

"Just what happened? Did she get diagnosed with stupidity from you?"

"Why don't you shut your Y chromosome self up!"

"Do you want my help or what?"

"I don't want it, I just require it at the moment."

"Don't worry Yuffie, I'll make sure he comes."

"Thanks Alice!"

The three of them went over to see Tifa and figure out what to do. She was rapidly losing her will to do anything at all. She was as strong as ever though, Alexander noticed, when she arm wrestled Barret and threw him into the wall without even a sound. This got the scientist worried for himself, because he was the whitest person in all of Midgar. So naturally, seeing Mr. Big-and-Burly get thrown into the wall, he had an idea. He asked Alice to give the girliest, most high-pitched, most annoying shriek possible. She said he was a better candidate for that job.

"Listen here you! If Tifa's gonna get better than you need to do this right now!"

"I'm feeling a little prissy today...Maybe in a bit."

"I will tap you and send you falling down the stairs ten feet from here. NOW, ALICE!"

"Fine you big jerk-head!"

That "just-so-happened" to be when Barret got his rape face on and grabbed her. Alexander asked for a shriek, and got a dirty top hat falling on the floor when he tried to cover his ears. Blue hair doesn't absorb as much sound as you might think. Tifa decided that she would eliminate the sound immediately, and while she was getting up, Alexander figured he should use Heal materia on her. (He always carries one with him for Alice)

Then she began to scream in pain. He watched as a swirling light pink mist, like that of lip gloss on pale lips of the dead began to rise from her body. The mysterious fumes became a cloud and formed into a solid being. It took a bit to get a definite shape, because it was actually becoming a second Tifa! Once it finished its transformation, it looked exactly as the real thing, who had finally finished screaming in the excruciating pain. She looked at it halfheartedly, as one would see an ant in the grass and know it won't sting them. The copy stepped behind her and mimicked her pose perfectly. Once it was satisfied with its imitation, it sank into the ground. While her doppelganger was sinking, Tifa smiled, for the copy was wasn't sinking straight downward. It sank at a slant, like it was becoming her shadow.

Which it was.

"I don't recall feeling the force of a kind of sickness, like Poison or something like that..."

"Because it wasn't a form of ailment like those you guys get from monsters," said Alexander, "You see, they have been experimenting on new forms of supplements in food to helps fighters such as yourself. It uses your shadow to become a full force of its own and uses emotions put out by battle as energy. It can be cured by simple materia, but you have to do it before you go as mad as I am or you might be stuck that way."

"How do you know that now nerdy-nerd-nerd?" said the brunette.

"I saw it in the Conspiracy section of Midgar Monthly."

"I will forever question your sexuality."

"I know."

_~At the House~_

"Ugh! I'm tired and sleepy but both our minds are racing and I can't calm down."

"Okay Alice, how about I sing you a lullaby?"

"Sorry, but you're no Mock Turtle. You can't sing. Remember?"

"I can sing the Lobster Quadrille!"

"Kay I guess I can hear it if it helps."

So Alexander began to sing his sleepy and relaxing version of the dance tune from long ago to Alice. She was always so pleasant when around poetry. Such an adventurous girl had to relax from the hyperactivity of a seven-year-old at some time.

_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the daaaaance?_

As Miss Liddell lay sleeping in bed soundly, Alexander got close and cuddled up next to her. That night, their dreams were of a Wonderland with so many amazing attractions, they would never finish even if they split up. Which they didn't. The hatter of the Spade family not once let go of Alice's hand. But, sadly, no matter what rabbit hole you travel down, or what looking glass you fall through, you will wake up and realize it was just imagination. But they enjoyed it all the same.

"So, who's dream was it?"

"I think yours bluey."

"Heh heh chuuuuu!"

"Chuuuuu!"

"How stupid are you guys?"

Alice and Alexander utterly forgot that Yuffie was there. After a short scream and a small bonk on the head from Alexander, she left the house. They decided to go visit their friends, the Clubs, at their training hall in the Slums of Midgar. They visited each other often because the four of them had been together since childhood and had family crests with identical bottoms. (**A/N In a deck of cards, Spades and Clubs have triangles below the three circles on the Clubs and the upside-down heart on Spades**) Though they were different in nearly every possible way, they had always been friends since their introduction.

_~At The Club Training Hall~_

"Leo! Andrea! Where my besties!"

You should hear a loud bang and moan of pain right about now.

"Apparently on top of me..."

"You got that right toothpick," said Leo Club to Alexander.

"Seriously, do you ever fight ANYONE?" said the wife, Andrea.

"Come on guys, be nice to the little crybaby."

"Go trip on a flat surface you!"

So began another one of their gatherings, which often include gossip, shopping, and many, MANY, insults to Alexander. Leo and Andrea were the only people Alice and Alexander would dare trust with their secret. They tested by moving them apart, into different rooms, and told one a number. It worked.

"So Whirlwind, you two wanna try it?"

"NO! I mean, uh, I'm good!"

"Do you have something you're keeping from your WIFE?"

"Nooooo..."

"LIAR! I know that face!"

"Just don't tell her!"

"Don't worry, I won't tell Tree," Alexander said to his friend.

_~With Alice~_

"So how have you guys done in battle lately?"

"Same as always! Got three Bandersnatches in two minutes yesterday!"

"Wow... Those things are so hard for me..."

"It's 'cause you're so skinny! Get muscle or fat!"

"NO! I like skinniness..."

"Good luck in a fight. Try not to fall."

"I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR THAT!"

"You can't get four hits in without tripping."

"SO?"

Leo a.k.a. Whirlwind (for his attack, a spinning kick that creates small, violent swirls of wind , and his speed), Andrea a.k.a. Tree (for her strength and will to survive), Alice a.k.a. Gravity (Guess why), and Alexander a.k.a. Bookworm (The dude loves reading!) left it at that and decided to retire to their houses and rest after the long and tiring day. Once again, Alice had a touch of insomnia. Alexander decided to let the full moon shine in the room to help and the light immediately hit Cheshire, who jumped up to the bluenette and purred in his arms. All three slept very soundly that night together, having dreams that became curiouser and curiouser.

_~The End Til Time Allows Again~_


End file.
